After the last suicidal blog I thought I would post the antidote. The antidote to despair is always to focus one's attention away from the self and out towards others. After a stellar Thanksgiving dinner at the home of Aileen McMillan and Chad Gerth and their adorable little toddler Luella, in the company of my two daughters and several of their friends, I had a renewed sense of life and hope. Without question, as the elder of the so-called clan, I am expected in some senses to "roll over and play dead.." in other words, move aside and let the young ones through. Well, I remember saying to my therapist quite recently how I had handed the torch to my children quite some time ago (more than a decade ago, in fact) and now I want the torch back! It ain't over until it's over! I am just not ready to settle into elder status--I feel like there is still a good fight to fight, another battle to be won, more passionate forays into the battleground called life. And yet, and yet--here I am marginalized. I had an interesting discussion with a young woman at the Thanksgiving dinner in which she revealed how gender is just a "non issue" now out in the world, in jobs, in everything--women can pretty much do and be whatever they want without much flap. I pointed out that it was thanks to me and my generation who fought long and hard to pave the way for their relative ease of movement! She conceded this. I then took her on another journey and suggested that in 20+ years age will no longer be an issue--women (and men) will be going back to school in their 50's and 60's (as I did) getting all kinds of degrees and learning experiences and jumping into many different exciting careers late in life and no one will blink an eye! I told her that now, however IT AIN'T SO. I also shared with her my interview with a job recruiter from the University of Chicago last fall who looked at my resume, chock full of experience and education and said: "So, what do want to be when you grow up?" in a voice laced with contempt and sarcasm. I ripped the resume from her hands and walked out. The young woman I was talking to asked me what did this mean? I told her it meant that people are still expecting people, especially women (after all, Costa Gavras is in his 70's and still making socially relevant, high budget films) to roll over and play dead after 50! I told her that I am sure her mother has mentioned this as well. She said no, her mother is "more content." I looked at her and said, "I will never be content." That was the end of the conversation but it is not the end of the dialogue! Perhaps she will remember it when she reaches 60.